I Belong to the Sea
by Ryoko Metallium
Summary: Companion story to "We Were Heros Once". Awakening from surgery, Thane is shocked to discover that Shepard has gone missing. Not even her crew knows where she is. Abandoned, Thane tries to find peace. But can he ever truly forget and let go of his Siha?
1. Chapter 1 : Beyond the Deep

Title: I Belong to the Sea

Author: Ryoko Metallium

**Author's Notes: This story is mainly based on december.s-flower's two Mass Effect stories, between _We Were Heros Once _and _We Were Heros Once : Blood Diamond. REQUIRED READING! _The story focus' on Thane and the three years he spent looking for her following her disappearence. Told from mainly his point of view and sometimes from other crew mates. Major thanks goes out to december.s-flower! Not just looking over my work and adding her own creative flare, but for also allowing me the chance to write this! **

**You're awesome girly-girl! **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect is the property of Bioware and EA Inc. I do not own these characters. I am only borrowing the characters. I ****promise that I will give them back**

* * *

**Prologue:**

**Beyond the Deep**

He knew this place.

He had been here before.

The Illuminated Sea.

(1)The water foamed white over the tan shoreline. It rushed up the sandy beach, washing up seaweed and shells before pulling back into the sea. Hard waves crashed against the rockbound coast, battering the cliff side. The strong tide moved in a rhythmic dance, rolling back and forth. A mist hovered above the water, making it look hauntingly eerie. Sheets of crystal green splashed upon each other and against jagged rocks and cliffs. The salty air carried with it a refreshing aroma. The midnight moon shone over the glittering sea, reflecting upon the clear water bathing the coast in a soft light. A vast and elaborate reef lay below and concealed under the water, life stirred. Limitless forms of aquatic life, too many to count, swam freely under the current.

It had been many years since Thane had stood upon these beaches and looked out on the magnificent deep, and yet he could recall every one of his visits to the shore perfectly. As a child he came to the shore often with his parents on the Day of Remembrance, a time for the drell people to come to the sea and pay their respects to those who returned to the deep. The waters always seemed to settle that day. The waves would come to a complete standstill just as evening prayers would begin, and a moment of peace would fall. The old ones used to say that when the ocean called, the souls would wait on the beach to be greeted by those who long since passed.

Thane had always loved the sea; the salty smell of the water that perfumed the air, the feel of the rain against his skin and the warm sand tickling between his toes. It brought such clarity to his soul and would always instill his faith in the gods divinity. He always loved the sea, but when Irikah passed his feelings changed. He no longer saw the ocean as a place of serenity. It served as a reminder of where he said his final goodbyes to the woman he could not protect. What hurt the most was not the fact that she was gone from his life. He would miss her to no end, but it was the realization that his past, his sins would be what would keep from seeing her ever again that nearly destroyed him. For years he prayed, performed good deeds and acts of atonement. He only took hit jobs against those who had performed such acts of evil and atrocities that the world was better off without them. He eventually returned to his battle sleep, retreating into himself and deliberately cutting off all contact from his family and friends. He traveled the galaxy righting as many wrongs as he could in hopes that the gods would take notice and absolve him of his sins.

All of this was in hope that he'd get to be with Irikah again.

It seemed then that the gods were not without their mercy after all.

'_Thane…Thane…'_

Somewhere in the mist he heard a voice calling to him. It was a familiar and welcoming voice that sang his name like the chime of bells, yet distant and weak. His steps were silent as he walked on the white sands through the mist, stopping just short of the wave's reach of him. Thane stared out at the waters as they tossed backward and forward. It was just as he remembered it from childhood, from the bioluminescent flashes from hanar who danced in the current to the hymns being sung in the old language of his people. How did he come to be in this place? The last thing he remembered was a great pain in his chest, dizziness and the feeling of suffocation. He remembered cold darkness, and that's when realization finally dawned on him.

He was dead.

(2)Before he had a chance to question his situation, the voice called out to him once again.

'_Thane…'_ it said. _'Thane...'_ All of a sudden, the ocean became very still and very quiet. Out on the water, he could make out the figure of something making its ways through the mist. A figure that was moving very quickly towards him. At first apprehension caused him to take a step back. Instincts told him to ready himself for an attack, but as the mist cleared and the figure started to come into focus, Thane was suddenly intrigued and strained his eyes to see who it was. He listened to it call his name and instantly his heart seemed to quiver with a strange sense of longing. It was strong, so strong it hurt. He could not understand it but he could not ignore it either. This pain, this voice; it all brought back memories of love and regret, loneliness, rage and hurt. Suddenly it became clear to him as to why he was here, and as the clouds parted and the figure finally appeared before him, warm tears began to travel alongside his face.

"Irikah…" he uttered breathlessly. Nothing about her had changed. She was just as breathtakingly beautiful as on that faithful day she blocked his shot. Her golden scales glowed underneath the moonlight making her look heavenly. She was dressed in a simple white gown that hugged the curves of her lithe body. The same dress she wore the day of her funeral. A gush of wind brushed against her, making her dress flap like angel wings. Thane caught the memorable scent of spice and springtime. She walked on the water with ease. He watched as it rippled underneath her every step.

Thane's heart swelled with happiness he had not known for many years. Overjoyed did not come close to describing how he felt seeing Irikah coming to greet him into the afterlife. He allowed his tears to flow freely from his eyes as he watched his wife, refraining from the urge to rush into the water just to hold her. This was the moment he had been longing for, been praying for. Calihera had granted him the salvation he never thought he would receive.

A perfect death.

There were so many things he wanted to say to her for so long and now Thane couldn't even utter a word.

Irikah stopped walking and stood patiently on the gentle churning waves as if she was waiting for Thane to join her. He saw her smile as her hand rushed out towards Thane, beckoning him to her. Thane did not hesitate. He dipped his foot into the water, but recoiled back in pain. The water was scalding hot like acid, searing off his flesh. Thane collapsed back on the beach in complete shock. No, it was not possible.

The sea had rejected him? How could that be?

Thane looked back at Irikah whose hand was still reaching out to him, her fingers urging him forward.

A chilling thought came to mind. Perhaps this wasn't paradise. Perhaps this was damnation. It seemed oddly appropriate though. He failed to protect his wife and because of his failure his punishment would be an eternity seeing her face, but never truly being at her side.

"_Thane…Thane. Come with me, Thane."_

He heard the voice again, much clearer this time as if it was speaking right beside him. Yet it was not Irikah's voice. Reluctantly, Thane tore his eyes away from his wife and began searching up and down the landscape looking for the source of the voice. It spoke to him again, tantalizing him like a siren's song. Over and over the voice called out to the point it was pleading for attention. As the mist started to thin Thane saw that he was not the only one on the beach. Just off the corner of his eyes, he saw another obscure figure through the haze further along the shoreline just staring off at the sea.

His heart felt like it had dropped to the soles of his feet.

"Shepard!" he exclaimed.

(3)What was Shepard doing here? Was this real? Thane unconsciously started to run towards Shepard, but stopped in mid-step as his eyes gazed upon her. She looked worn and aged, her eyes completely shadowed by emptiness and sadness. Her eyes were swollen red and tears stains painted her cheeks like she had been crying for hours. At the corner of her mouth, a thin line of blood trickled down her chin. Shepard appeared enthralled by the sea, unaware of anything else around her or even the drell who looked at her with deep concern.

"Siha, what are you doing here?" Thane asked quietly. His fingers reached out to wipe away her tears but shockingly, he passed right through her like a spirit. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I failed" she replied in a whisper so low he almost didn't hear her. "I failed to protect those important me. I was built to fight and I lost. I lost everything. " She turned her head and gave a mournful look at Thane. "In the end I couldn't save anyone – my friends, my child…you. I changed nothing."

"What are you talking about Siha?"

Several more tears fell as she looked back at the sea. "Forgive me."

Thane just shook his head. It pained him to see Shepard broken like this, so defeated and lost. She was void of any life which was parallel to the Shepard he knew. The indelible spirit that he loved, a spirit that he believed no force in the galaxy could ever destroy, was now nothing more than a shadow. She stood before him a disconnected and empty soul. The desire just to hold her and to somehow lessen the guilt and pain she was feeling could not have been stronger than at the moment. "Siha…I…"

As thunder roared above and rain started to come down in heavier sheets, Shepard started to walk into the churning surf. Confused, Thane watched as the water seemed to accept her as the waves splashed at her feet. He cried her name but she ignored him. Feeling panic take over, Thane tried to go in after her but just as before the sea ate at his flesh. He screamed in pain but did not turn back. As his flesh was seared away and the water gradually turned to a bright crimson color, Thane reached out his hand towards Shepard.

"Siha, please! You cannot leave me!" he begged. "Don't go!"

Irikah smiled as Shepard reached her side. The last image Thane saw before pain and the deep devoured him was the two people he ever loved leaving together into the mist, forever out of his reach.

* * *

"Code Blue! Repeat: Code Blue in room 232 in Recovery Wing B!"

He woke up suffocating, gasping and choking for breath. His eyes shot up as his vision was blurred by a bright light beaming into his eyes. Dark obscure figures were looking down at him, their voices muffled and unintelligible. Distantly he could hear a loud beeping, shouting and heavy breathing. Fear came upon him like an icy hand crushing his soul. He tried to sit up in an attempt to get away, but shadowy hands pinned him. He struggled, fighting against his captors.

"Mr. Krios, you have to calm down!"

He tried to speak, but something in his throat prevented him. A tube of some sort.

"His heart rate is climbing! The EEG is going crazy over here! He's going to stroke out unless …listen to me Krios! You need to calm down! You're in the hospital and you've just had major surgery. Do you understand?"

Suddenly his body felt possessed as it started to convulse. Blackness came but he could still hear. Where was he? What was this place? His mind screamed for Shepard.

"Damn it! He's seizing!"

"Nurse, push in a unit of diazepam and get some restraints on him before he falls out of bed!"

Something pinched into his skin, a needle, and almost instantly he felt his body suddenly stiffen. His heart began to slow and the crushing pressure in his chest started to unwind just enough for him to breathe without pain. Exhaustion quickly followed. The world blurred into a haze and Thane found himself slipping back into darkness where he heard Shepard's voice's all over again.

**Musical Inspiration:**

1.) "**Dead World of Indegult Lugh" - .hack/sign Collection**

2.) "**Hope of Dawn" - .hack/sign Collection**

3.) "**Grief City of Eld Slekia" - .hack/sign Collection**


	2. Chapter 2 : Dying Changes Everything

Title: I Belong to the Sea

Author: Ryoko Metallium

**Author's Notes: New update! Special thanks goes out to december. s -flower for not just doing my beta but for also helping me with the ending!**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect is the property of Bioware and EA Inc. I do not own these characters. I am only borrowing the characters. I promise that I will give them back**

* * *

**Chapter One: Dying Changes Everything**

_Beep…beep…beep_

A steady rhythm of his heartbeat blipped on the monitor, cataloging his vitals. A ventilator pumped oxygen into his lungs through a tube in his throat. An IV transferred fluids and blood into his veins, keeping his body alive and functioning. Rain pattered against the window, thunder softly rumbling in the distance. The time was nine forty-five a.m. It was Wednesday, nearly two weeks since Thane was first admitted to the hospital.

Groggy from the lasting effects of the drugs being pumped into his system, Thane awoke feeling as if his body was being weighed down with heavy stones and it ached with pain. His eyes opened sluggishly, finding himself surrounded by white clean walls in a small room that was unfamiliar and in a bed that was not his own. The air smelled sterile and it burned the inside of his nose. His throat felt dry and scratchy. He was craving water. With every breath he took, it caused a tight pain to exude in his chest.

The back of his mind itched with many questions.

_Where am I? _

_What happened? _

_How am I alive?_

_Shepard? _

_Where is Shepard? _

_Where is my Siha?_

"Well now, glad to see you've decided to rejoin the living Mr. Krios. Although, for future reference, the next time you decide to stroke out I rather you do it on another doctor's shift." Standing over his bedside, a rather weary-looking drell doctor holding a data-pad in his hand who was examining the readouts on the E.K.G. machine and the ventilation pumps connected to Thane. All things considered, the doctor actually appeared worse off than his patient. His dark eyes reflected probably no more than four hours of sleep and his tone registered some clear irritation. He made some adjustments to the IV drip, using a syringe to inject a greenish fluid into the line. Almost immediately Thane felt the effects and felt more alert.

"In case you haven't figured it out by now Krios, you're on Kahje and you're in the hospital. Do you remember anything?" said the doctor, dumping the syringe into the trash. Unable to speak, Thane simply shook his head."You were brought in after experiencing respiratory failure, probably due to your Kepral's Syndrome. Normally whenever we get someone who's as advanced as you, there's not much we can do other than make you comfortable and dope you up with enough morphine to drop an elcor. Fortunately, thanks to the persistence of that girlfriend of yours, we were able to set you up with a new pair of lungs. Synthetic mind you. It's going to take you a good while before you get used to them, lots of physical therapy. I'm actually surprised that you made through the surgery. According to your medical files, you were well past the stage that synthetic transplant won't even make a difference at extending your life. Guess the Gods aren't through with you just yet…"

Just then Thane's hand shot up, grabbing the doctor's arm tightly. Using what strength he could muster he started to pull himself up from his bed. The numerous of cords, wires and tubes that were attached started to detach from the machines, causing the flatline alarms to sound.

"W-what the hell do you think you're doing?" shouted the doctor, trying to pull Thane's hands off and forcing him back onto the bed. "Krios, stop it! Stop it! Do you want to flat line again? Listen to me you crazy son of a bitch! I'm not against putting you into another coma if it means keeping you from killing yourself!" Being out rightly defiant, Thane refused to listen and only pulled harder on the doctor's arm. Despite being weakened from the surgery and the drugs, the assassin's grip refused to ease up. He pulled so hard that the doctor fell over the bed railing. "Fuck this! Nurse!"

A soft gurgling sound caught the physician's attention.

Thane was trying to speak despite the tube in his throat.

"Thane, you need to calm down! I need you to listen to me before you hurt yourself! Okay? Okay? Alright, listen to me! You're hooked up to an incubation tube right now that's helping your lungs to inflate."Three nurses came rushing in the room and started to reattach the cords to Thane as the doctor finally shoved him back onto the bed. " I know you want to talk but I can't take it out, not while it's practically breathing for you. I'm sorry."

"Should I administer a sedative doctor?"

"No, just get the restraints on him before he rolls his dumb ass out of bed again."

The nurse wrapping the restraint on his wrist was much more compassionate. "Sir, is there someone you want us to contact? Next of kin? Friends?"

_Yes…find me Shepard. _

_Where is she?_

_Please, I want to see Shepard._

"He has a son that we can contact. I think he listed a contact number in his medical file."

_Koylat…does he even know I'm here?_

_Would he even care?_

"What about that woman he arrived with? That loud pushy one?"

_Yes. That's Shepard. Could be no one else._

(1)The doctor sighed. "She hasn't been seen for several hours. I tried to find her earlier to sign some paper work but she must have skipped out or something."

_What? _

_Shepard is gone?_

"I've had the entire staff search for her, but no luck. Looks like she booked it the moment she got a chance."

_No! That is not true!_

_It can't be true!_

Confusion and panic gripped Thane. What the doctor was saying couldn't be true. Shepard couldn't have just left the hospital. She couldn't have just….abandoned him here. Could she? Doubt crept into his heart, making him feel cold and empty. But It shouldn't surprise him. Perhaps the stress of caring for a dying man had finally reached the breaking point for her. Perhaps the pain was just too much for her. As tragic as the notion was, Thane could not find it in his heart to place any blame on Shepard. Perhaps she went back to the ship to rest, he reasoned in his mind. Just because she wasn't there, did not mean she abandoned him. The tightening pain in his chest and elevated heart rate only served to prove otherwise. Thane thought he knew Shepard well enough and he understood that should she choose to leave him, a notion he wanted to but couldn't accept, she wouldn't do so without telling him.

The leather restraints tying him to the bed felt imprisoning, confining, but the more Thane dwelled on Shepard's absence, the less they mattered. As doubt ate away at his core, a single thought stood out in his mind. In the event of his ultimate demise, he did not intend to tell her of his passing. Not in person, anyway. He didn't want her to see his last gasp of air, didn't want to cause more pain than she would be in already. Would she do the same for him? Good byes were difficult enough as they were. She would leave without telling him. Shepard was a soldier through and through and as such was trained to know when to cut her losses and move on.

His death would have destroyed her. If he could spare even an ounce of that pain, then perhaps this was for the best.

And with that, Thane's world died.

Shepard was gone.

She _had _cut her loses and she _had _moved on.

Now, it was his turn.

_Beep...beep...beep.._

_

* * *

_

**Musical Inspiration:**

**1. "Power of Goodbye" - Madonna**


	3. Chapter 3 : Thanks for the Memories

Title: I Belong to the Sea

Author: Ryoko Metallium

**Author's Notes: Another short filler. _Fable 3 _has consumed most of my creative energy lately. I'm not used to writing such short chapters. The obsessive-complusive in me keeps telling me to write more, but I actually feel that this is a good place to stop. Get ready for more Thane's angst!**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect is the property of Bioware and EA Inc. I do not own these characters. I am only borrowing the characters. I promise that I will give them back.**

* * *

**Chapter Three: Thanks for the Memories**

A week had come and gone, and another was just beginning.

The days were starting to blend together, becoming obscure moments of time.

His body was healing, but his spirit had long detached.

His soul was adrift.

Despair haunted him.

Even when he sought comfort within his memories, Thane could still hear the doctors and the nurses talking about him behind closed doors in hushed tones. He got the feeling that they did that a lot to their patients, speaking behind their back thinking they couldn't be heard. He could hear them clearly however. Their voices leaked through the mental barrier of his memories, sounding like a choir of ghosts. He tried to shutting them out but his body was weak as was his mind. His senses had been clouded for weeks with rapid thoughts, thoughts that were plagued with so many unanswered questions.

Those thoughts were mind numbing, paralyzing. The pain was endless and unpitying.

Thane had thought the memories would bring in him solace from his never-ending nightmare. He thought that would be his escape from the reality of the world, but somehow reality had found itself into in his refuge.

_I watch her as she sleeps. My siha, my goddess. Our hands lock together. The warmth of her body, her soft breaths and the sturdy beat of her heart against my chest remind me that she is alive. She is well and she is mine. In her dreams, she speaks my name. Tears stain her pillow. 'Stay' she whispers. _

"He's been retreating into his memories more than usual."

"And how is that a bad thing? It's a perfectly normal reflex for drell to slip into their memories, even more so when they need to escape an unpleasant situation. So long as it keeps him quiet and he's not bothering the other patients or me, then I say more power to him."

"Still, I don't think it's a good idea to leave him by himself. At the very least, somebody needs to talk to him. No one has come to see him since his surgery. Not even his own son or the woman who brought him in."

"If you're asking me to go in there to sit with him and hold his hand, you can forget it. I was never good at the whole bedside manner crap. Get one of the nurses to talk to him. Or better yet, call someone from psych. I'm going to lunch."

"Doctor!"

_Like Arashu, she charges into battle with commanding authority and determined strength. Her gun fires and her shots hit their targets with finely tuned accuracy. He watches as one by one Nassana's personal guard all fell from her gun and the power of her biotics. Her accuracy is perfect. She never misses. She has no fear. She orders her team forward, pushing through the defense line with ease. Her eyes burned with a fire that he had never seen before. I watch from the shadows, intrigued. _

"Mr. Krios, do you want something to drink? Are you hungry at all? I can get you something if you like."

_My chest feels crushed, heavy with sorrow and grief. My hands shake as I write my final goodbyes. '__You awoke me, Shepard. My heart quickened its sluggish beat if only to remain at your side and protect you with everything that I am.' I hear her moan softly in her sleep. I write quickly before my courage fails me. 'I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact.'_

"Mr. Krios…"

He could sense the nurses' hand on his, but her presence meant very little to him now. Thane's mind slipped further and further into the empty void. He plunged deep searching for the one piece of his memory that gave him the most comfort.

A place where Shepard still loved him.

'_I will await you across the sea.'_

**Reviews and comments are greatly welcomed**


	4. Chapter 4 : Sigh no More

Title: I Belong to the Sea

Author: Ryoko Metallium

**Author's Notes: It's been a long time since my last update to this story. This chapter has gone through so many rewrites and redrafts that I'm actually surprised that I managed to squeeze out this much. This chapter was suppost to be much longer, but unfortunately I had to trim it down in order for there to be another chapter. Sorry for those who don't like short chapters, but hopefully this will be the last time. **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Mass Effect is the property of Bioware and EA Inc. I do not own these characters. I am only borrowing the characters. I promise that I will give them back.**

* * *

**Chapter Four: Sigh No More**

"Do you need to stop again Mr. Krios?"

The nurse was patient with him. For that, he was most grateful for. She walked along side him with her arm tightly wrapped around his waist, holding him upright as they walked with sluggish steps through the hallways of the intensive care ward. Thane's lungs were burning with fatigue. With every breath he took, he wheezed deeply. He steadied himself with the aid of a forearm crutch, walking with an apparent limp as his muscles had become weakened the time he had spent in bed. His body craved rest, but he forced himself to continue.

"Mr. Krios, we can return to your room if you need to rest" said the nurse.

"No," Thane protested. "Let's continue."

It had been almost five weeks since Thane's surgery and his recovery had been a gradual one. The therapy had been grueling work; tough and at times very painful. The doctors and nurses persistently told him that his new lung needed to be trained. Every day he limped through the hospital with the aid of his nurse, and even though he knew the exercise was all necessary for the healing process, a part of him did not wish to do it. He had become quite accustomed to the hours he spent languishing away in memories, shutting out the world and imprisoning himself in a sanctuary of his own making. Thane simply wished to be left alone in place where he felt most at peace.

The doctors didn't seem to understand his yearnings at all. Their faith was clearly lacking. They were men of rational thinking and cleverly diagnosed Thane as being in some kind of depression. Perhaps he was. He had been retreating back into his memories more often than he had been used to. His doctors had taken notice and had taken upon themselves to medicate him. They had decided that his behavior was hindering his recovery and had administered a drug that would suppress the urge to fall into solipsism. It was strange, almost blasphemous, not being able to retract to his comfort zone, where he didn't have to face reality. At the very least, it would've made the therapy easier to handle.

Not being able to fade into memories allowed Thane plenty of time to contemplate his future. The surgery had awarded him a new lease on life; a new life that he wasn't even sure that he wanted anymore. The drell found himself at a crossroad. Where would he go? What he would do? The most obvious answer would be perhaps try and find a way to repair his damaged relationship with Kolyat. That would truly be a challenge. Thane had as much contact with his son in the past few days as he had with Shepard – none. However Thane could not blame Kolyat for his absence as their connection had been damaged from years of neglect. Even if he now had the chance to make amends, he didn't expect there to be much hope.

And what about Shepard? Many would consider him a fool found holding hope of her return for so long. He was probably the biggest and most deluded fool in the entire galaxy for believing that his Siha would come back. Yet it was nearly a month. He tried contacting the Normandy once and received no answer. It seemed that even the crew knew when to cut their losses. Just like Kolyat, Thane couldn't find it in his heart to blame nor feel betrayal towards Shepard. She was a complex woman to figure out at times; perhaps her giving Thane this second chance was her final gift. Maybe it was a way saying goodbye, to tell him to do the things he had been putting off for too long and to move on without her.

Still, the more he thought about the time he now had, the more he wanted to spend it with the woman he loved.

"Mr. Krios, I think it's best if we stop for now."

The nurse tugged on Thane's arm gently as she directed him over to a nearby bench. She sat him down slowly, monitoring his winded breathing and checking his pulse. Panting, Thane let his head lull back against the cold wall and tried to force his senses into a trance state. The drug worked effectively at blocking out his memories. He tried to sum up an image of Shepard in his mind's eyes but all that came up was a distorted reflection of the woman he yearned to see.

"You did well today, Mr. Krios," said the nurse. "Your body is responding well to the transplant. The therapy seems to be doing you some good."

"Yes, yes I guess it is" Thane breathed shallowly.

"That's enough walking for today though. Don't want to overexert yourself. I'll go find an orderly and have him bring you a wheelchair."

"Thank you, but no."

"Pardon?"

A slow and at ease sigh escaped Thane's lips. "If it's all the same, I would much like to wait here for a moment and allow my body a chance to rest."

"Are you sure?"

Thane nodded. "Yes, I am sure. I find the atmosphere far less…claustrophobic and constricting here."

"Um…alright, if you're sure then. I'll let you rest for awhile and I'll come by to escort you back to your room."

With another nod, the nurse hesitantly rose from the bench and left Thane in the hallway alone with just his thoughts. Passersby ignored him thankfully, allowing him a chance to try and mediate. The faint sounds and sterile smells of the hospital muted most of his senses. The drug was making it near impossible for him to settle his mind. Simply the act of daydreaming was difficult. He could feel the beginnings of a headache the more he tried.

An hour rolled by before the strength returned to Thane's legs. He rose from the bench with the aid of the cane and started to make his way gradually back to his room. He didn't get very far before fatigue caught up to him and once again he had to stop for needed rest. As he held close to the wall, he stopped short of the maternity wards where he could hear the faint sounds of newborns crying. He followed the sound, passing the nurses' station and before coming upon the display window next to the nursery. A couple of new parents were standing near the window, watching and waving to their babies. Their happiness and joy beamed clearly on their faces.

Thane stopped near the window and gazed into the nursery. He saw several newborns resting in specially designed bassinets with nurses hovering over them and attending to their every need. On Kahjae, it was imperative that every drell child had to go through extensive a physical and an internal exam that included immunizations and lung therapy. Most newborns where treated to what was called ' a wet-heat bath'. It was where they were exposed to high levels of dry heat as well as to the planet's natural moist atmosphere. It was hoped that early contact would help children become more adapt to the different degree levels and thus lessen their chances of getting Kepral's later in life.

Thane watched as infants were placed in incubators with large heat lamps, listening closely to their tiny mews through the glass. Even if he was unable to slip into his memories, he could still remember clearly the day he stood by the very same window the day Kolyat was born and hearing his son's cries when they placed him under the lights. He recalled Koylat being a fussy baby, crying until he had the hiccups. It was only when he was in his mother's embrace did he was contented. He could remember the sense of wonderment and pride that surged through him the day he became a father.

That was day he felt true redemption. That the Gods had heard his prayers and all his past sins had been forgiven.

He felt blessed then.

(1)All that seemed like such a long time ago to him. Who would've known that years later Thane would once again know that the joy again for one brief and passing moment. Of course, Thane was thinking about the child that had by some marvel had been conceived between his and Shepard's union. It was an impossible thing, such as miracles were. A pregnancy between two genetically diverse people, completely incapable of even reproducing together.

Against all odds, it **had** happen.

It happened, and then died just as quickly.

Thane still mourned for the tiny soul lost to both him and Shepard. He would never forget the sorrow and regret on his Siha's face when she told him she had miscarried and how she blamed herself for their loss. In truth, Thane blamed himself for what happened. He had entertained the idea of starting a family with Shepard more than once but he didn't have the courage to bring up the subject with her. He wished to wait. When the child passed, the only thing Thane could think about was how he failed to protect Shepard.

He didn't protect his baby.

He allowed another innocent life to be lost to the tide.

He often wondered what that life would have been had it survived. Was it another son? Perhaps it was a daughter? Thane looked hard at the infants, listening as they cried all the while trying to construct an image of the child that he and Shepard at one point shared. He prayed that his child had found its way to the warm oceans of the beyond. He prayed that the baby was now safe, and would wait for him until they would meet across the sea.

"Merciful Arashu, mother guardian and protector to the lost and ever-searching," he whispered. "I have always placed my faith and trust into your hands, knowing that my past sins have made me forever unworthy of your love. I have never questioned your wisdom, and I do not now. You have called home the soul of my child back into your protective embrace. You have taken back your miracle. My heart grieves for such a loss, but I bear no ill will. I bear no hate. I pray only that my child will know peace and will rest while in your company."

Thane swallowed hard. "Protect him. Please, bring him peace until we are united at last."

"Oh Mr. Krios! There you are!" Thane turned and saw the nurse running up to him, out of breath and flustered. "You shouldn't go off on your own Mr. Krios! Come on, I need to escort you back to your room. Apparently, you have a visitor waiting for you."

"A visitor? Might I ask who it is?" Curiosity and a hint of hope registered in Thane's voice.

"I'm not exactly sure," said the nurse as she took Thane's arm. "I wasn't told much from the attending. All I know is that he's refusing to leave until he's had the chance to see you. We've told him that it's past visiting hours but he's…well; you'll have to see him for yourself. Maybe you can convince him to leave."

_Musicial Inspiration:_

_1.) "Swaying Emotions" - ./hack GU Original Soundtrack_

_

* * *

_

**Author's Notes: EVIL CLIFFHANGER! This will be the offical end of all Thane angst for those who are probably sick of it by now. I know I am lol. I've been wanted to explore the issue of Thane and Shepard's child since I read _Chapter 44: Truth _in december.s -flower's _We Were Heroes Once. _I was always curious on what was going through Thane's head at the time and that should have been more explored. Don't get me wrong! I love the original story! This was just my fluffy fan girl going in over drive here lol.**


End file.
